Iknownothingatall

As I sat in quondam agony and anguish, The inimical air stales through my nose. A teary, terrorising sting like a potent radish, So envious of shared beds and emotions volubly composed. Weakened by haste I screamed in ignominy, Unaware of these eyes of judgement swelling my wounds. I pushed away the triffid times. Silently. Cautiously. On my knees i begged for completion in ruins. I stood up with broader clarity yet ponderous, Awaiting the moments of interregnum once 'He' was king, Looked up to the pursed skies on edge with sights so wonderlous, Trying to share such cogent details to you in the interim. A Wraith. Such shock and surprise, I ought to follow. So suddenly, the despair secretes out of my soul. Confabulating with the past  While smiles start to nourish what used to be hollow. Thankful I avoided the burking.  Blandish with touch, sprouting to be whole.

I cannot show it. I have promised. Building up in the shores of my thoughts and soul, An overflowing ocean of emotions I'll risk, To drown in my own sorrows and tears, in folds. Tirelessly I longed but only in secret I'll whisper, I am haunted by the essence of you, this fear sips deeper, You crept everywhere in sight, endlessly, searching for her figure, As those beats grew faint and this ocean grew bigger, What of me, "Oh God! Please do your worst! I will be far away in this ever state of Curse, Nothing said but I still feel this agonising thirst, As my breath utter those words, in knives I immersed. I'll hide in the abyss. I will keep myself hidden. The truth. In infinity I will hurl. Sawed off chains from your heart and set it to Eden. I'll stay silent forever so you can have the World.

As I sit in solitude and silence, I feel something inside just withered away like petals of a rose, Dying, I gaze deep with defiance,  Staring death down, the wounds I tried to close. These scars seared in the sun as memories filled my eyes, Prolonged agony seems like the only emotion I conjure, Soul bearing truths as my body were covered in lies, To purify myself, I have to face the Monster. Is it true, that words cut deep into fabric of self? Demeaning my thoughts as I keep it in steel cages, Searched in vain, I followed the beat of health, Followed where the blood may take me to razors, It is missing and no where insight, Remembrance. A map of Haunting Past. Revealing and true. Endless, torturous road leads me to a familiar face denied, As I found it beating unknowingly inside you.

Shrouded and trapped within 4 walls, bounded by still air and responsibility. Gazing out into my mind for a beautiful fall, But awaken by task and hostility, Never to be free and running. Well at least the first five of the week. But rather contented to stay rested and be humming, On white warm sheets that makes bones too weak. To awaken from infinite possibility is truly a task. From submergence of consciousness, I flee. Grateful as light sipped through but still I must ask, "Why must I awaken slumber, where I'm free?" - Dysania

Sitting, shimmering light upon my face, From the lighter, cigarettes smoke is my warm embrace, Thinking for someone to take the closest place, As nothing is being, I fell from grace. Shouting bearings of compass from the start, Northern star points to nothing apart, As the waves kicks, my body slows my heart, To which salt is tasted like barrels of mud. I am peaceful yet lost in the winds, Alone and not knowing where to begin, As i set my sails high, it dimmed, I cried out for help, the bells i ring. Farther from forever I drifted away, Currents are strongest in the light of day, Hoping my help will come to me one day, Forever lost! My ship would not bay. Starry night and sounds of sirens, Illustrates the agony of the noisy silence, Shivering now with no blanket of reliance, Hopelessness figured as I forgo my science, Withered lips and skin too dry, I crept and stood up and loudly I cried, For the unknown vessel has come to my sight, A s...

I am a man with nothing, but it seems everything is wrong, Only words to sing, but nothing makes sense in my song, Left only time to bring, should something be destined to haunt, I am a man who thinks, nothing is easier then to be gone.. There is a silver lining behind every cloud, There is a moment to disappoint then to be proud, Desperate times will pass and no more be with doubt, Left with only myself, time and a bottle of stout, To be free, I have to face my fears, Face which deaths, It may never disappear, Long for closeness or a soothing sound to my ear, For nothing is greater for a man to shed a tear, While sleepless night be of only my nerve, Should the load of the world be easier to serve? Now i have direction to straighten my curve, For Its better to have lost then never to able to love... 5years ago...

#throwback from 3years ago.... The Secret.. tell me how thIs Life can be prOfound, when you need to leaVe to undErstand whY? tell me hOw can yoU fill this 7 pounds? when the worSt part of leaving is not saying goOdbye... deep In My heart as sensIble aS it iS, trYing to understand this rOad of solitUde, here is where different possiBility may exist, i rAther be hurt here than be in joy where i shoulD, In this eMpty space, Sounds of tragedy fills, falling deep intO darknesS till i am numb, can't be the Oath i took as youR 7 pounds I can't fulfill, but how can I not be in love when I tRY forever not to become. as the solituDe deepen this abyss, the lOnging of familiar so uNfamiliarly missing, i undersTand how i can't dismiss the terribly missed, as i forGot hOw my reality and me can sync. so Blessed me with my cUrse for no one can feel my hurT, so dIfferent From YOurs bUt we still sheD the same tears, let me be, let me Off, let me be agaInst the dirt, i Lay here forever aLoNe...

Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I was too patient. Too long of a time we halt, Maybe we're just too ancient. Maybe I am angry or maybe it's just disappointments, Maybe fights are way too plenty or Maybe we're just opponents, Maybe I'm tired. Too tired to try. Maybe I tried and am just too tired to cry. Maybe it was the punches and pain, to tainted for my brain, Maybe I said too much but every single word was in vain. Maybe I did nothing or Maybe I assumed too much, Maybe I did deserve those replies and words, too harsh. Maybe I am done and have gone too far, Maybe I just think too much and too much I've scarred. Maybe I had it all but couldn't be thankful. Maybe I just need none of it for me to grateful. Maybe it's my eyes that always wonder everywhere, Maybe it's my non actions that will always be a scare. Maybe I think it's a mistake and I'll go bad. But maybe, just maybe, this is all i can take, and I never coming back.

I was 18 back then. In school, I searched everyday within to have the strength and mindset to learn. It was difficult with all the different temptations of life bringing you towards an unpaved track. Being in love, the booze and the drugs. Mind you, I am not an addict but I did try a few here and there just to see what the fuss was all about. As my perception of drugs was changed with umpteen numbers of documentary of its benefits, I somehow move towards it carefully with respect and a goal to expand my consciousness. I feel sorry for people who has their mindset and emotions about how drugs are bad for you. How you will get hooked and be damaged forever. Don't get me wrong, there are those kind of hard drugs circulating around. What I am referring to are the 'light' or so called party drugs. These are meant for fun and enjoyment. Little side effects but the experience of it will stay with you for life. With the countless propaganda society has brought forth, people just...

Sometimes, I just feel like I want to give in and just curl up into my own lonely grave. Maybe then I will be missed. Maybe then they will have regrets of unspoken words. Have you every felt that way? Sometimes you try so hard to be happy but all you feel is the anxiety and hurt inside. But that is ok I guess. Like a friend once told me, you have to embrace what life have given or is giving to you. No matter if it's good or bad. So now, I have to embrace it all. Through it all, I will have to endure and look on the bright side of what life is providing me now. Lessons and wisdom. I grew emotionally and spiritually from what has happened. A broken heart and its best ailment is to face it.

Shock and unprepared as I stared in the void, Breathing quickly losing my grasp, Ravaged heart and every emotions toyed, As I slip into this terrifying test. How will I walk, how will I speak, How would people refer to me now, As this anxiety threatens, strings and peaks, Who am I? Now that I've lost my ground. Nothing is familiar while I am missing to be lost, Those eyes are my future but it seems to be gone, Disappearing heart & soul, is it my price or my cost? Stupidity I feel as my prediction goes wrong. Show me proof that time will tell as it heals, Test my faith in the chemical affairs of my thoughts, Forgoing everything! I am the hunter and I am the kill, I am the hopelessly broken, cannot be fixed or bought. Notes caresses my senses as I loose my own, The silence seem to speak into the darkness where my heart once resides, I don’t see any lights or paths to guide me home, Then how can I choose when the chosen will not be the choice to decide.

Maybe I cannot easily explain the situation i am suffering in. But nevertheless, I will try. Started on a warm fateful Monday. Emotions were frantically jumping in and out of our hearts. A loosening gap of an almost entire lifetime of emotions. Well, I am somewhat of an emotional person. However, patience is one of my stronghold. I was, during that time, happily in a long term relationship to whom I thought would be the last girl I will ever love. A 10 year long relationship. It doesn't get any more intense then that. For the past decade, I have been, frown upon, extremely happy and contented. It worked out to be something that is irreplaceable for me.  Even till now. Well it wasn't perfect. But which relationship ever is? The bestest of friends. We couldn't get enough of each other. We spent almost all of our waking time together. Went everywhere. Did everything. We even had our first EURO trip when we were younger with money to spare. Inseparable. Petty fights and ...